I'm a PC...

...and I:

1) Crash all the time;
2) Have the hardest time waking up from sleep;
3) Take 8 minutes to start up and open two apps;
4) Won't let my user open an Access database from his own company's Intranet;
5) Require a Spyware/Adware program, and have to check for viruses every week;
6) Make my users feel like idiots; and

[*drum roll*]

7) Am NOT a Mac.